How Do You Know When Your Republican Boyfriend’s Gay?

OK, so I was in a crazy mood this morning.  I think you will agree that the following, while not scientific, is damn funny.  Laughter is good for you in the morning.

From Gawker:

Ladies, today we learned that finding a man ain't always easy. Especially if he is a man who won't ever admit that he is gay! If only there was some fool proof way, some kind of test to put to your perspective man-in-waiting to decipher his sexuality. Fortunately for us, one commenter is a scientist.

From robbiebobo:

Hey Single Ladies! Wondering if that boy who just can't seem to catch your hints is looking to be another sort of catcher?
Here's a helpful quiz to help you sort it out.
1. Does he love musicals? Do you sometimes catch him singing them or crying to himself saying "Elpheba?"
2. Does he watch football, drink beer, and have difficulty opening up emotionally?
3. Does he want to have sex with other men?
If you answered yes to number 3, time to move on, gurrl!
(The other two don't actually matter.)

Well there you have it! If the sight of your 'gina is loathsome to your man, well, I'd say that's a deal breakah!


But Gawker only went so far.


First clue.  He is a "conservative christian" zealot who clearly says do as I say not as I do.  (Unfortunately that encompasses so many reptiles (I meant Republicans) that it is not a great help.)


Second clue, they adamantly believe that having any sort of feelings for men (other than outrageous LOVE of football, basketball, soccer, baseball, etc. players) is immoral and disgusting.  Darn it, that doesn't help either.


What about:

Bachmann - And I just wanted to help those sinners, those nasty, dirty, young, firm, flexible, ripped... what were we talking about again?

Oh, right. I want to round up all the young gay men and bus them to my place where I will labor over them day and night. You can keep the lesbians and the bears. (Edit comment)

And I just wanted to help young men with meth addictions through their hard times. I also wanted to get down on my knees, every day, and feel the good Lord's salvation all over my face. So sue me.

And sometimes I just can't find anything better than the Holy Scriptures to justify sexual behaviors of a certain type...

Me? I'm just looking for someone to carry my excess baggage. (Edit comment)

Get on your knees, my child. (Edit comment)

Larry Craig -- I know, sometimes I just like to go to public men's rooms and do stuff, like talk about the weather. (Edit comment)

DAMN - THOUGHT I HAD AN ANSWER.