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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Many say blood is thicker than water. I say, blood congeals & clots. Water stays free!

"Blood is thicker than water."   We have all heard that cliché repeated time and time again, referring to the belief that the bonds of family and common ancestry of blood are stronger than those bonds between unrelated people (such as friendship).
While actual blood may be thicker than water, the cliché is absolutely FALSE.  Many families are bound only by societal dictates and social "norms" which demand that families all get along and stay together.
Some new-age thinkers believe we each choose the families into which we are born.  That belief is as delusional as believing there is a supreme deity living in The Kingdom of Heaven; behind pearly gates; who would listen to Tim Tebow's prayers to score winning touch downs.
One believing that they "pre-pick" the families into which they are born is about as likely as one being able to decide if they come out of the womb genetically lucky, with beauty or ugliness. It's all random luck or accidental, depending on which family the stork delivers you to.
The only "choices" which we get to make about our blood family are the ones which we choose to make in order to make the best of the circumstances into which we are born.  Some are fortunate to be born into a functional and loving family.  More often than not, we are born into families which are breaking at the seams, torn by internal strife.  The best scenario is to try hard to make family relations work if possible.  Even when confronted by a situation where you wish you had not been born into a particular family, learning to get along with them can be a very positive way to live life.  On the other hand, if one is born into a family and change for the better cannot be reached after long hard efforts, the situation may become pointless and self-destructive.
Now, where I believe there is a choice in our "family" is the choices we make when we elect to create our own "family," whether that is choosing friends or a spouse, etc.  That family is one where we make conscience decisions to make other people part of our lives and to become a true family.
Ironically, if you decide to have children, those beings (created from sex), once conceived, are again just as random and out of one's control as are the babies ability to choose their parents.  The only choice is in how you choose to raise the child.  The blood relationship has little to do with how the child turns out.   However, parents can greatly affect their children in positive and negative ways depending on their choices in raising the child.
Ultimately though, whichever cards one is dealt, it is up to each of us to determine the destiny of our own lives. One cannot control how others think and deal, but one can decide how they will deal with what they are dealt.  So, whether we are dealt lead or gold, only you can decide how you will let it affect you.
Maintaining blood relations should be a desired choice that enhances life, not a forced sentence of feeling obligated to stay attached.
Family or relationships of any form should help one grow and uplift the life experience. So, if blood relations or any relations congeal and clot your flow of blood, rinse them away with the clarity of thinner water.  I prefer thin to thick. (Light and fun over heavy and negative.)


  1. Family are just like all people. Some members are great and others are awful people. My father sexually abused me as a young girl. He also abused my little sister. We both tried to forgive him because as catholics we were taught to forgive. And because " family matters." I spent my whole adult life trying to reconcile and see the good in him. One day I was watching my aging father play with my 4 year old daughter and everything he had done to me flashed in my mind. I picked up my daughter out of his hands. I hugged my father and said I had to go. My mother had passed a year earlier so somehow I no longer felt like had to please my Mother by showing mercy for my Father. My husband and I soon moved out of the state. I wrote a letter to my Father wishing him by best. I explained to him that I could no longer have him near my children and I was unable to forget all of the abuse. I found a new extended family with my husbands parents, who I adore. I love my sister and my Mom was the sunshine of my life. I'm very close with my sister still. Things have come full circle now and my Father is very ill. My Husband and I decided to pay for his nursing home. However, I never have seen him since the day I took control of my own well being. I have no plans on seeing him again. I agree with the sentiment of your blog. Denise

  2. Denise,

    Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for your experience. It sounds like you made the best decision for your life.

    I was adopted and got very lucky with two Moms, who chose me. I was an infant when my lesbian mothers adopted me. I have been showered with love all my 21 years. I would not change any of my history even if I could wave a magic wand. I love my Moms so much I can honestly say I'm glad my blood parents gave me up for adoption. I can't imagine life any other way.

    I hold no resentment towards the strangers who gave me up. I am grateful I was not aborted and I decided to assume they were doing what they felt was best for me.

    My Moms have told me often that if i want to search and meet my biological parents they have no problem with it. I have never had any desire to research or reach out to them. They were just a vessel to bring me into this world.

    My family began when two woman who loved each other decided they wanted to adopt a baby girl.

    I think this article brings up some good points and it is a topic which should be examined and discussed more. Anna in Florida

  3. The question of "Is blood thicker than water" caught my eye on Twitter. YES blood is thicker than water. The callous view of the writer of this garbage makes me sick. All families have their issues. Suck it up if things are bad because GOD has a plan and he makes no accidents. Whatever goes well or not well in your family life was GOD's choice because you have certain lessons to learn. Even in the worst situations such as the woman above who wrote her Dad sexually abused her; God has a silver lining sewn into the fabric of even seemingly bad life situations. Thank GOD for having a life of any kind. The USA is losing its moral path of traditional family values. Reading about an adopted girl who praises lesbians for raising her breaks my heart. I'm sorry but she deserves a mother and a father. It should be against the law for the gays to adopt children and allow these innocent kids to be corrupted by learning it is not immoral to be a homosexual. GOD loves everyone but it doesn't mean sinners should be able to take innocent children as their own, unsupervised by non biological people with a mental disorder. May GOD bless anyone who does not see the value in "Blood being thicker than water." Katherine

    1. Katherine, please shut the fuck up. You are no better than anyone and the fact that you praise GOD so much and say that GOD doesn't make any mistakes even after reading about ones story being sexually abused. You are the one with a mental disorder! You seem like someone who would turn their head the opposite direction to "please" any mans approval. "You can't be a strong woman when you stare at the ground when you walk."

      Oh and I did purposely type God in all caps just to mock you. Just in case you didn't figure that out with that big head of yours.

  4. This posting is very timely with holiday season.

    I love my family. I'm a 29 year old male. I am still single so I have not created my own immediate family yet. My father died 2 years ago but I still have my Mom and two brothers. My siblings and I could not be more different from one another.

    We respect each other but really only see one another on Holidays. It is a strange situation just twice a year to see these people you used to know as kids.

    None of us really know each other at all. What we do share in common is a great love for our Mom. This shared bond is strong enough to be the thing we have in common to focus on.

    I'd have to agree the choices we make as adults who we chose to surround ourselves with are more significant and usually healthier relationships. -- Bradley H. NYC

  5. Katherine: You sound like you may be Irish catholic. I'm so sorry you were born into such a sick religious belief system. What you seem to have learned about god sounds insane. Your message is in contradiction to the word "love" you use. Why do you want to believe in a god who would be so discriminating? You contradict yourself by writing god loves everyone all happens as planned by god for a reason. Then you jump to writing god believes lesbians are sinners. How can you not understand there could be great love given to the adopted girl from the two adults that chose to adopt and love an orphaned baby?

  6. We are all just humans. I don't think blood relations are any more significant than any other human relations. For that matter some people get along better with pets. Surround yourself with who ever makes you happy. Get rid of anyone who brings you down. No blood is not thicker than water. Besides if christians believe the bible Adam and Eve make us all blood relatives.